February 28th, 2022- Month 10

Oh, February.  The Month of love.  And it’s a short month. So, I’m going to make this a short blog post.

This Month has taught me 3 things.

1. How to communicate my wants, needs, and feelings more effectively.
2. How to trust and allow myself to be vulnerable again.
3. How to go after my goals and aspirations.

Communicate. Even when it’s uncomfortable or uneasy. One of the best ways to heal, is simply getting everything out. ~Relationship Rules

Communication was never easy during my marriage.  I never felt like I could safely express how I was feeling.  I never felt heard and most of the times I was told it wasn’t a good time to talk or he was “done with this conversation”.  I was often left feeling frustrated and nothing ever seemed resolved.

Thankfully, I’m in what I would like to call a “healthy relationship”.  One in which I’m free to express my feelings.  I’m able to say what I do and do not like, and I feel heard and respected.  I unfortunately have brought some unhealthy habits into the relationship that I’m working on.  When my feelings are hurt, I tend to shut down.  I’m used to being laughed at or ignored when I cry.  So if I feel emotional, I turn away or say I want to get off the phone and talk later.  B- (The guy I’m dating) apologizes if he says something hurtful to me. But he also expresses his boundaries by explaining that he would rather not hang up the phone or end a conversation until we both felt heard and not angry. 

Which leads me into Trust and Vulnerability.

Trust is a product of vulnerability that grows over time and requires work, attention, and full engagement. ~Brene Brown

B has been amazing. He’s never made me doubt him.  He communicates with me about most things. He includes me in his decisions even though he doesn’t have to. He asks my opinion. I feel safe and cared for when I’m with him.  He not only tells me but also shows me how grateful he is to have me in his life. We communicate often enough but still support each other’s individual lives and goals. I miss him when we are separated but still feel secure enough in our relationship that I can focus on myself without worrying if he’s going to stray.  I finally understand what they mean by- A relationship should consist of two whole people that come together.  If not, you’re expecting that other person to meet your needs. For years during my marriage, I heard this and thought that it was me that had the issue with being independent.  I was wrong.  I have always been confident and secure in marriages.  I never asked for anything except love, honesty, and respect. They were the one’s who strayed because they did not receive enough attention or affection. And they failed to communicate this with me.  I’m happy to be with someone who is confident, secure, established, and knows how to meet their own needs.  Someone who knows how to express their needs and wants and allows me to do the same.

Which brings me to my last point- My goals and aspirations.

Two are better off than one, because together they can work more effectively.  If one of them falls down, the other can help him up… Two people can resist an attack that would defeat one person alone.  A rope made of three cords is hard to break.  Ecclesiastes 4:9 (TEV)

We were not made to go through life alone.  We were meant to help each other, lift each other up when we struggle.  That has always been my goal.  Before I even knew my purpose in life, I was helping others.  When I was just 20 years old, I used to take young Women into my home that had no where else to go.  Women who were transitioning in life after break-ups with their significant others, until they got back on their feet.  In 2 years, I took 5 Women into my home.  I went on to work as an Advocate for a Domestic Violence shelter.  Today, I have 40 followers on my blog and 830 followers on my Instagram page.  My goal is to educate others about violence against Women. And to help Women heal and live healthy, productive lives. 

It starts with me! I must heal and help myself before I can help others.