December 18th, 2021

Hello Friends. It’s been a long time. I’m officially 8 months in from deciding to separate from my husband. It’s been quite a journey. This month I’m going to talk about my relationship status. That’s right, your girl has met someone. 

That moment you change your Facebook relationship status, your whole life changes.  I made the conscious decision to not change mine to Single because technically I’m still married but I also didn’t want everyone to know my business so I decided not to change it to Separated. So I have no status. I just leave it up to the imagination.  Wouldn’t you know that my inbox began to flood with questions from people about whether or not I was still with my husband?  I guess it was obvious when I removed all of his photos from my page.  All of a sudden Men are sending 👍thumbs-ups, ❤hearts, and even the 😮wow emojis on my photos.  Here I was thinking I was some dried-up 40 year old who lost her mojo. Sadly, I allowed a man to make me feel so little about myself that I actually thought that I was unattractive. According to my Facebook following, I’m sexy and hot🔥. I decided to embrace this.  A friend of mine is a photographer and asked me to be an amateur model to help him market his work. I’ve been able to play dress up, have fun, and rebuild my self-esteem.  For the first time in a long time, I feel beautiful and confident.  

During this time, I’ve taken the opportunity to make new friends, reconnect with old friends, and go on a few dates. It’s been quite an exciting journey.  I’ve talked to a lot of people who said they hate dating because there’s so much pressure and stress.  I can tell you, I never felt that way.  I think if you go into the dating world with no expectations and an open mind, you will have better success.  Most of it was like speed dating.  A message here, a message there, small talk, and then done✔.  I exchanged numbers with a few but after talking with them realized we had nothing in common.  I hung out and grabbed breakfast or dinner and drinks🍻 with a few but there was no chemistry.  And then there was 1, an ex-co-worker.  We first met 4 years ago.  I was a new employee and we were both “happily married”.  There was never any flirting, we barely even talked other than good morning.  Not long after that he put in his notice and left to start a new job.  We remained Facebook friends but truthfully, I don’t remember us ever interacting.  And then I changed my relationship status.  He stuck out like a sore thumb.  Most Men would send me messages telling me how beautiful I was or “Hearting” my photos.  But he “Wowed” all of my photos.  I honestly didn’t know how to feel about it.

Photo by Mateusz Dach on

After about a month of this, I decided to message him on messenger.  I asked him if he was just going to “wow” my photos and not actually speak to me.  He was surprised that I reached out to him.  He said he figured I was dating someone based on all of the attention I was getting.  We messaged for the next 2 hours, just catching up.  He told me how his marriage failed and they divorced at the end of 2020.  We talked about work, old co-workers, and dating.  The next night I gave him my phone number and we began talking on the phone.  We talked for hours. He was funny, kind, and adventurous.  We had a lot in common.  We spent the rest of the week talking daily.  Finally, we decided to hang out for the first time.  He owns several motorcycles.  I’ve never ridden on a motorcycle before, if anything I’ve always been against motorcycles.  My Mom’s sister was killed on one when she was 17 and it was forbidden for us to ever get on one.  But, seeing how I’m in my rebel stage, I said yes when he asked if I wanted to go for a ride. It was liberating and freeing.  Afterward we went for margaritas and Mexican.  At the end of the night, he asked if he could kiss me.  I let him.  I can’t say there was instant chemistry, but there was definitely an instant bond.  It was the best time I’ve had since hanging out with my best friend after my first divorce.  The only difference is that back then I was too stupid to realize that initial chemistry is not important and decided to hook up with his friend (my current husband that I’m separated from).  This time I decided to take a chance on the “Good Guy” with potential friendship vibes.

Here it is 3 months later and I don’t regret taking that chance and going on a second date.  This Man is amazing.  We have become fast friends.  We have real-life conversations.  We get along great.  We stay up all night talking, laughing, and watching movies.  He’s there when I need him. He’s incredibly hard-working and handy.  He’s respectful, honest, and loyal.  He cares about my feelings.  The chemistry is growing, but for once, it’s not the most important thing. For the first time in a long time, I feel safe and secure.  We both love to travel and have planned our first trip together for the week after Christmas.  It’s an exciting time in my life.  After my separation, I prayed and told God that I was looking for a companion.  I think my prayer has been answered.

Stay tuned…….

Published by 12mos2heal

40 year old female sharing her story about betrayal and how to heal and become a happier me.

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