8/9/2021

Putting it into practice

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“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”  Albert Einstein

What have I learned since my last post?  During my last therapy session, my Therapist and I discussed why it is I keep finding myself in unhealthy and unfulfilling relationships.  She shared with me a poem called There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk by Portia Nelson”.   

None of us is perfect. Some of us are a product of our environment. We may have learned things from our parents while we were growing up or may have experienced a traumatic event that was beyond our control. We may not even know that what we have learned or what was done to us was wrong or unhealthy. But, once we learn that there is a better, healthier way of doing things, it is up to us to make the change. It may not be easy but it can be done. The Author of the poem talks about someone walking down the street and repeatedly falling into a hole in the sidewalk. The person has been doing it so long unconsciously that it has become a habit. They soon realize that what they are doing is unhealthy and therefore they can no longer claim ignorance. With some hard work and effort they eventually learn to walk around the hole and finally they walk down a different street entirely. Ultimately mastering this new skill and ridding their self from this unhealthy habit all together. We all have the power to change our own destiny.

Time to rebuild my life

You could say I’m me rebuilding my life. With the help of my Therapist I have been able to learn how to build happy, healthy relationships with happy, healthy people. After the separation from my husband, I realized I didn’t really have any friends or a support system. My Therapist and I discussed how I needed to start dating.  No, I don’t mean dating in the terms of finding a new boyfriend/Man.  But applying my newfound skills that I’m learning to building meaningful non- intimate relationships. Meeting new people, male or female and seeing if they are reliable, trustworthy people that I can lean on for support and enjoy spending time with.

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Making new friends

How does one make new friends? 

First thing I did was start attending church again. Church small groups are a great way to get to know people. Some have groups for singles, single parents, divorcees etc. However, due to my crazy schedule, it’s hard for me to attend on a regular basis. But I’m working on this.  Second, I invited all my co-workers that work with me to my house for a get together.  Would you believe that not one of the 12 people I invited showed up? It’s o.k. I’ll just try this again at a later time. I was able to get together with female co-worker for drinks and appetizers and I’ve made plans to get a pedicure with another female co-worker on Tuesday. Third, I tried the Facebook dating App. Here I’ve been able to meet Men who aren’t just there for relationships but also for chatting, friendships, or just getting together to do fun indoor and outdoor activities.

I like to call it a “Social Experiment”.  I would have never thought there were so many singles with in 40 miles of me. At this point I’m happy to say that I have made 3 solid connections. The first(we’ll call him Andrew) works in a similar line of work as I do and we cross paths from time to time. He also has two little girls. We went out for dinner one night and had an amazing time, talking for hours. We plan to meet for breakfast this morning. I’m excited. The second (we’ll call Brad) is new in town. I’m helping him with getting to know the area (i.e. real estate, restaurants, museums, etc.). We’ve made plans with some other people to go play music bingo and hiking at a park. The third (we will call Joe) lives near the beach. We both love dogs and share lots of photos and videos of our fur babies. We also share photos of our recent home projects. He’s doing multiple home renovation projects and shares his videos with me. We haven’t made any plans to meet up but I am enjoying messaging him on Facebook messenger getting to know him.  I’ve heard that Meetups is another great way to meet like minded people who enjoy indoor and outdoor activities but I haven’t explored this option yet.

I have so much more to learn.  I’m ready to try new things and meet new people. I’m ready to enjoy my life again!! The sky’s the limit.

Published by 12mos2heal

40 year old female sharing her story about betrayal and how to heal and become a happier me.

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