Today my husband stopped by to drop his keys and garage door opener off. It’s official, every drop of him has left the house. How am I handling it do you ask? I keep waiting for the second grieving wave to hit me. Like it did Memorial Day weekend when he took our daughter to his Mother’s and I spent the weekend crying and separating all of our stuff. I remember telling friends how much I missed. I went to church and had the prayer team pray over me to take the pain away and asked God to give me clarity on whether I was making the right decision. And then I prayed for my husband that he would find God and change his heart.
Today things were different. Today I cleaned the entire house (my house) from top to bottom. I turned the walk-in closet into an office to fill all the empty space. I cleared, cleaned, and repainted the upstairs loft for the roommate I pray will occupy it. I cleaned the bathrooms and emptied all the cabinets and drawers. I moved all of my girls toiletries into my bathroom to fill the other side of the double sink and cabinet that used to hold his stuff. Now there’s also an empty bathroom for the possible roommate. I cleaned and re organized the kitchen, pantry, and refrigerator. I cleared out everything that was his. I went to the grocery store and bought items that I liked.
“Never go to the grocery store hungry”
You know that saying, “Never go to the grocery store hungry”? Well when you’re newly separated, just don’t go to the grocery store on a Sunday or Father’s Day. It was filled with happy families and husbands and wives. Everything was centered around Men. They were even playing sad music. Damn you Wilson Phillips!!! You almost had me with that song, “You’re In Love”. You know the one where she talks about how happy she is her ex found love and now she could let him go? Total B.S. Is anyone really happy when they first find out their ex has moved on? But, I still didn’t cry. I just told myself, this too shall pass. This was not Gods plan for me. God wants me to learn to stand on my own two feet and be happy with me. I put my head up and a smile on my face and walked over to the wine section and started thinking off my next blog post.
What I learned this week
Soo… here I am sharing it with you. What did I learn this week? I learned to rely less on my friends for support. I spoke with my therapist who suggested I watch “Runaway Bride” with Julia Roberts and watch how she finally took time to figure out what she liked and then start writing down what I liked. I read two books on Kindle Unlimited. The first was “Empaths and Narcissists”. I learned that I’m an Empath. I allow my feelings to control me. This is something I really need to work on in the next 12 months. Learning to be happy no matter what the situation. That’s really hard to do. The second is “Breaking up and Divorce 5 steps: How to heal and be comfortable alone.” I’m still reading this one so I’ll have to let you know how I like it.
Go in peace
In closing, I did gift my husband with a Father’s Day card and a gift card from our girls. I hope it brought him some joy today. You never really know how the other person is handling the separation. I know one thing, I have been on very high doses of anti depressants for anxiety, depression, Fibromyalgia pain, and insomnia for the past 5 years. It felt like no matter what I did I still felt out of control and triggered. These past 2 weeks since my husband has been moving out of the house, I have felt more at peace and calm than I can remember feeling in years. I believe that God is telling me that I made the right choice.