May 27th, 2021

Final Separation

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on

Almost one month from the date I found out my husband was continuing his relationship with the woman that was causing strife in our marriage, we were signing our separation agreement document. Thankfully, we were able to come to a mutual agreement on how to separate our lives, time with our child, and our finances. It was not an easy task and at times it was a struggle to agree on what was fair. I’ve always been the type of person to only ask for what I need and not everything I want. My husband may disagree and say I got everything that I wanted but I don’t believe this to be true.

Take him to the cleaners

When you’re discussing ending your marriage, a lot of friends and family members may advise you to hire an attorney and to ask for everything you’re entitled to. Attorney’s are expensive and it’s my opinion that it’s always better to come to an agreement civilly and not fight for things that just don’t matter. I did take their advice and was lucky to speak with an Attorney that gave me a free consultation. At the end of the day no matter how heartbroken you are over what was done during the marriage or why the marriage ended, wouldn’t you rather walk away with your head held high and your dignity? Treat people with kindness, don’t ask for more than you need, and God will bless you.

What I walked away with

My husband promised me and my children a house to live in. Even though I knew when we were buying this home that our marriage was probably not going to last, my husband said he wanted us to have a house to live in. So, the girls and I are keeping the house. The mortgage is a little more than I can afford but I am searching for a roommate to assist me in paying the bills. I will pay/buy him out of a portion of what he is entitled to for living in the home for 1 year. We split our joint debt down the middle and both agreed to work towards paying off our half. We split the savings and tax returns. We agreed to alternate every other year for claiming our daughter on our taxes. We agreed to joint custody in the way of both having equal say in our child’s life, however I would have her in my custody most of the time and he would have her 2 weekends out of the month (due to his schedule). And he agreed to pay me a reasonable amount of child support based on his salary and time he spends with our child. Because of COVID the government is giving money to families with children, so I agreed to not collect child support from him the months that I receive these payments.

Have compassion/ Have faith

At the end of the day, this is my child’s father. The man I loved for 14 years of my life. I only wish the best for him and I want to set a good example for my daughter. I want her to know that if you trust God, he will provide and make sure you have everything that you need. It is better that your children see you work together and resolve problems without anger. It may not have been possible when you were together, but it can be possible now that you’re apart and have better boundaries in place.

Published by 12mos2heal

40 year old female sharing her story about betrayal and how to heal and become a happier me.

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