This is the day that will be etched in my mind for the rest of my life. I fought so hard to save my marriage. But that day, was the day I said, “I just can’t do this anymore”. You see my husband of 10 years was having an emotional affair with a woman almost half his age. An affair that he promised was over. But it was that little voice in the back of my head that whispered check the cell phone log. And there it was, multiple calls back and forth. 10 days to be exact. 10 days that he could have been focusing on our marriage but he gave that attention to her. The days that I sat crying while he was glued to the couch and his cell phone and ignored me. The weekend trip to the mountains for my birthday that proved to be one of the worst birthdays I’ve ever had.
He told the therapist that I had betrayed him. That checking our joint cell phone log was an invasion of his privacy. And that texting her to ask her to please respect my marriage was overstepping. He said that she had been the one to reach out to him again because she wanted advice about her relationship. When I asked why he didn’t just tell me, he said it was because he thought I wouldn’t be able to handle the truth. He shifted blame, defended her, and then called me crazy. To say that I completely snapped and lost my shit is an understatement. There was no apology, no accountability, and no ounce of respect for my feelings that day.
Nothing left to give
I had given every drop of physical and mental energy I had to this man. I read my bible, I listened to marriage podcasts, I read self help books, took classes, took antidepressants, and spent thousands of dollars on therapy to fix me so that I could be the best wife to this man. And at the end of the day, none of it could save my marriage. Because my husband was not ready to change. You see, it takes two willing participants to make a marriage work. It’s give and take and both people have to be willing to make sacrifices and changes. My husband did not want a divorce but he also did not want a marriage.
Do I stay or Do I go
At the end of our therapy session the therapist asked us not to make any rash decisions but to take the next week to think about what we wanted to do. Did we want to continue to work on the marriage, separate for a period of time, or separate with the intent to divorce. I couldn’t even look my husband in the eye. I just grabbed my keys and purse and walked out the door and went to work. I was beyond hurt and just could not see how I was ever going to trust him again. I was torn between staying or going. Staying said that I was accepting his behavior and going would mean another failed marriage.